


You Could Be a God

by TheGreatCatsby



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You could become a god." </p><p>"I can't."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Could Be a God

**Author's Note:**

> *whispers* not sorry

“You could become a god.” 

These are tempting words. They should be enough to tempt a mortal who has aspired to greatness his whole life. 

Loki watches Tony’s face. He can’t look away. This man who cheated death by replacing his heart with a machine of energy, who built himself a suit to protect his mortal body from the world, this genius would become immortal. And it would be glorious. 

Tony swallows. He looks sad. “I can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“This thing, this relationship,” Tony says. “It’s not—that’s more than getting married, Loki. That’s more than a life together. And I’ll never die.” 

“Not for a long time, no,” Loki says. 

Tony clenches his jaw. “I can’t even—do you know what you’re asking me?” 

“Yes.” Loki says. 

“We don’t even know if this is gonna work,” Tony says. “It shouldn’t be working now. No one even knows about us and you want to make me immortal? Loki—”

“Think about it,” Loki says, to prevent Tony from saying more words, words that might be final. Words that might wreck Loki’s plans. Words that will guarantee his death. 

Tony looks away. 

And Loki thinks, we have time. 

\---

The battle is like any other. Tony goes out in his suit of metal, red and gold and brilliant, fighting alongside his Avengers. He will come back and enfold himself in Loki’s arms, the Avengers none the wiser, and they will fall under the covers of Tony’s bed and sleep. 

That is not what happens. 

Loki does not watch Tony’s battles unless he himself is involved with them, a rarity these days. He has a place to live in the city and little desire to interact with any of the other Avengers. He can practically feel the presence of Thor, his electricity, his energy in the streets of New York. He only stays for Stark. 

Thor knows he is here. Odin does not, and Thor does not tell him. It is an unspoken arrangement, one that Thor hopes will be helpful to Loki, and one that Loki knows is not helpful for the reasons Thor wants it to be. 

Still, Thor leaves him alone. 

Until today. 

Today there is a knock on the door, and Loki opens it and finds Thor standing there, still bruised from battle, gasping for air. Loki stares at him and says, “What do you want?” 

And Thor says, “I could not stay there. Loki, please let me in.” 

Loki continues to stand in the doorway. He smirks as Thor. “Overwhelmed by a silly battle with mortal enemies?” he asks. “Thor, you have grown weak in your time here.” 

“Stark is dead,” Thor gasps. 

Loki stares at him. His hand clutches the edge of the door, and his heart starts beating faster. “What?” 

“Stark—the Man of Iron—”

“I know who he is,” Loki snaps. He knows Tony so much more than Thor does, and Thor doesn’t even know. 

“He is dead,” Thor repeats. His voice cracks. “He was shot, and he fell so far. Loki—”

Loki slams the door shut. 

Thor doesn’t try to get back in. 

Loki takes several deep breaths, but they do no good. He feels like he is suffocating. The room spins. He and Tony were meant to be in his room in a few hours, bodies intertwined as one. They would wake up together, tomorrow—

Loki throws his magic out in a blast that knocks the books from his shelves, sends chairs toppling across the floor. He stares at the wreckage. Imagines the wreckage of twisted metal, red-and-gold, reflecting a twisted body underneath. 

So red. 

Loki runs to the bathroom and vomits until he is completely empty. And it still isn’t enough. 

\---

Loki stands at the edge of a funeral fit for a god. Stark has—had, Loki thinks bitterly, many admirers. His grave is more like a monument and there are flowers everywhere. Pepper Potts stands in front of the crowd and says tearful words. The Avengers are there, waiting to speak as well. Loki is invisible to all of them. They would not want him here. They would not understand. 

Loki feels as if his heart is being clawed apart piece by wretched piece. He can hardly breathe with the pain of it. He wants to dig a knife into his chest and he would if it would take away the pain. He would if death were guaranteed a rest. 

He knows that there is nothing so kind waiting for him. 

But this, this world without Stark hurts. He can feel Tony’s absence in everything, when he wakes up alone, when he says something to no one, when he thinks of a memory and has to remember all over that the man featured heavily in his thoughts will never be around again. 

The humans say things and Loki hardly pays attention. He can only think of the body encased in wood, decomposing steadily until it becomes part of the Earth and there is no trace of the man at all. He puts his hand in his pocket and feels something round, smooth, and cool. He pulls it out. 

He had procured a golden apple to give to Tony, to secure his immortality. He had saved it for the moment when Tony said yes, he would love to be immortal with Loki. 

He wants to throw it. 

He looks up and finds that most of the humans have gone, but there is one person left behind who is staring at him. 

Thor. 

Thor makes his way over. He looks so worried. Loki pockets the apple and wraps his arms around himself. 

“Loki,” Thor says, upon reaching him. His eyes are red. “You—you look unwell.” 

Loki twists his mouth into a sneer. “Do not worry about me, Odinson.”

“What was he to you?” Thor asks. 

“Nothing,” Loki says. 

Thor doesn’t believe him, not for a moment. It is the lie Loki wishes were true. “Did he make you happy?” 

Loki doesn’t answer. 

“Loki, I am sorry,” Thor says. “If you need—”

“You cannot give me what I need,” Loki snaps. His hand palms the apple in his pocket. He wants to throw it at Thor’s head for all the use it is to him now. 

“You look ill,” Thor tells him. 

I can’t do this, he wants to tell Thor. And he hates himself for it. But he doesn’t. Instead he says, “Go.” 

“I can’t,” Thor says. 

“Go!” Loki yells. Thor nods and backs away. 

Loki knows he will be back, knows there will be a knock on his door. He should vanish. Become a ghost. But not yet. 

He walks up to the grave and pulls the apple out of his pocket. He places it on the ground. To anyone else, it will look like an ordinary thing and they will not want to pick it up. To Loki, it glows, and the gold hurts his eyes. He stands there for only a moment until the ground feels as though it might suck him in, and then he walks away. 

And now he can understand why Tony did not choose immortality. He curses him, because had he understood, he would have chosen the same thing. 

Mortal, Tony died first. Tony never had to mourn.


End file.
